A Christmas Story 2009

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the crib,

Big Nasty was laid up pokin’ Cindy Poo in the ribs

Big Pimpin was chillin’ by the fireplace so Black,

Waitin for Ho’s b4 Bro’s and Ghetto Girl to get they ass back!

The Ron Man and The Queen were snuggling together in bed

While Romeo and Juliette were getting busy instead

And Kristie Love in her nightgown and Roo Roo on the phone

Nasty Dog was looking for somewhere to put his bone

When out in the yard I heard a loud noise

And figured it was Super Nupe on the stoop with his boys.

I stumbled to the window with Patron on my breath

Struck my toe on the Charger that Suga-Nasty had left.

The moon reflected on the yellow snow by the door

Where Waterboy and The Running Man had been standing before

I heard Big Ben chiming and what the heck did I see

It was Aykwa Wadilo with his friend Dirty B

Both of them were moving and acting real slow,

The were Ridin’ Dirty.... I figured you’d already know!

Slower than buzzards were the animals pullin’ this train,

He was spitting like a Grasshopper trying to remember their names.

Now Rattler! Now Romo! Now Trick ‘em and Fergy,

On Big Ox! On Mule Man! On Shaggy and Doc from the clergy!

To the top of the roof and don’t get in my way,

Cause that Horse Trainer got sick and just crapped in my sleigh!

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,

When they meet with Oklahoma Fire, go up in the sky.

They landed that sleigh on my house with a bang,

A C-Ton of Steel N Appeal in my structure it ain’t NO THANG!

As I drew my 9mm with the fireplace in sight,

I knew it was the holiday and that I AM POLITE!

When I put the 9 down and was turning around

Marley Mar stood there alone without making a sound!

He was dressed like a Cub Fan with an S-Dot on his chest,

He obviously wasn’t Tooo Picky when he got dressed.

A doll of The Princess and a Buck Rodgers pack,

Created a bulge in that humongous red sack.

His eyes were merry no Boo Who could be seen,

This wasn’t the Ice Man dressed up for Halloween.

He looked and saw Monkey Soup to drink,

But Eva-Eva made it too early and it had started to stink!

He looked down quickly “yakOzuna” he shout

He pulled his boot off and Da Rock fell out!

He seemed very pleasant, a Happy Gilmore type

He wasn’t a meat eating Hannibal full of hype.

He moved very stealthily just like Sneak Pete

He never Rushed to Mediocrity, just a quiet retreat.

Husker Boy started giggling and Husker Girl did too

Team Mom Needed Money and started a hullabaloo

The Teacher I thought him, not a word he spoke

Cheydlain slapped J-Rob for an off-colored joke.

And placing his foot on the Stingray on the floor

He fired up his Carbo Diesel and shot out of the door

He sprang to his Maksta sleigh, gave his team the bird

Scared the hell out of Big Ox who laid a big ole turd

But I heard him shout out as he drove out of sight

BOHICA to all and to all a good night!

The Ron Man